If only I could do this and get paid - we'd all be laughing.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

I am only interested in everything

Friday, November 24, 2006

Tis true what they say

When the going gets tough

The tough stop blogging

Thursday, September 21, 2006

How to abolish Death and Taxes

I have a great great great great grand niece serving as a Quan Tech on board the Humanican Vessel PARADISEINACAN currently parked in orbit around Sirius

The vessel has an official designation as an Information Harvester.

Its current mission is a routine 'Earth Watch'. But for her its kind of special as she will be on shift when she gets to 'scoop n poop' one of her distant ancestors. Me!

For the same reason that trying to explain compound interest to a Visigoth would need some simplification I will do the same here.

The Paradiseinacan has three major components :

A telescopic image magnification capacity that makes Hubble the equivalent of you peering through the bottom of a broken brown bottle.

A microscopic image magnification capacity that make today's most advanced Electron Tunneling Microscope and PET scans the equivalent of you peering through the other side of that broken brown bottle.

And a very advanced data storage capacity.

Being in orbit around Sirius means if you point your equipment at Earth you view it's past.And this is precisely what they do.

With it's vast range, depth of field and scope the crew are able (with a precision we can only extrapolate from todays' sub atomic manipulations) to scan and model each and every sentient 'mind'.

At the exact moment of an individual 'death' the individuals mind is merged (Shut Up Spock) with the highly accurate but not exact 'one we made early model', using algorhythms that would make Alan Turing do a little jig of happiness the two are combined = Scooped

The model/ data is then packed - transmitted - unpacked to Paradiseinacan = Pooped

The individual is then 'resurrected' inside a virtual frame of reference Eden, Nirvana etc. Given the astouding capacity for the mind to adapt the individual can at some point be informed of where they are and can choose accordingly - i.e genuine fundamentalists, Luddites or the spiritualy squeamish can choose to be returned to the void - others can choose to 'grow'. Rightly so the choice is entirely yours.

I don't think any of this subverts the laws of physics and could be well worth considering as one of the principle aims of Humanica.

'We are going to go back for everybody - nobody but nobody gets left behind'

I think it would be a nice 'thank you' to our ancestors for all their hard work - and would certainly restore their faith that the stuggle of life was worth it.

You said Death AND Taxes?

Yeah well if anyone ever showed any interest in Bobocracy they'd know I'd sorted that out as well


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Everybody in the world say 'cheese'

A headline I appear to have been reading at least once a decade

Never Underestimate...

The power of a hackneyed worn out turn of phrase.

Shuttle 'mystery debris' following it

We send out this:

Aliens send back this

This man is smarter than an Armani clad owl on Blockbusters

There is no reason that good cannot triumph over evil,
if only angels will get organised along the lines of the Mafia
Kurt Vonnegut

Isn't it always the way?

You wait ages for a half-baked oil-obsessed intolerant half wit

and then two come along at once.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


I don't know if anyone at all will ever read this. My posts have been as erratic as a cross-eyed Buddhist sniper so I guess I have no 'regular' readers, but more likely I have no readers at all.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Stuff that maybe worth pondering

In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily - so it really should be called 'The war on some but not other drugs'

Grizzly bears consume up to 40,000 moths per day which can make up 30% of their daily diet - I can't trap a single moth in my room in under an hour and I haven't got claws. Avoid light bulbs and bears my moth friends

The bloke who wrote the Italian Job also wrote Kellys' Heroes and Edge of Darkness (and I'd say this even if I didn't fancy the absolute pants off Joanna Whalley (ne Kilmer) I will still say that he's a very talented man.

Friday, September 15, 2006

LSD Trials Promote Genuine Peace Keeping

Death. Par for the course

So coming home on an near empty bus from Hoboken to Weehawken the driver is having a conversation with one of his regulars:

"Im telling you,if you ever want to get rid of someone for good just send them to play golf with me. I've had six golfing partners in ten years and I've killed all six. Two strokes, three heart attacks and one guy died in the Twin Towers. Now even my own son refuses to play with me."

He was quite jovial about it, I suppose you'd have to be really.

When Clangers go bad

Apparently this guy tried to rob a bank in Sweden . Needless to say he left with nothing but the cashier's laughter ringing in his ears.

For Non Britishers and Britishers under 40 here is a Clanger

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Never ever underestimate human stupidity

All Hail Eris

Anybody familiar with R.A Wilson's work will be synchronisticaly delighted to hear that the new dwarf (though it is larger than Pluto) has been officialy named
Anyone too unhappy with the loss of Xena as its temporary should remember that Xena was played by Lucy LAWLESS

More on ERIS

Now it may not be beyond the bounds of rational speculation that at least sumbnall members of the Astronomical Commitee for Nomeclature were aware of ERIS through reading RAW's most famous mainstream work the Illuminatus Trilogy or at least more aware of Eris/Discordia than just the episode of her chucking the Improvised
Devisive Device into a trio of Hellenistic Paris Hiltons.

I'm factoring in awareness of RAW could have come through any of the following: Being born on the progressive, traditionaly liberal West Coast of America in the 60's 70's and 80's - smart, Geeky (and I mean that in a good way), technology and Science literate, exposure to Mary Jane, P. K. Dick, Tim Leary, LSD, Tool, Eastern Mysticism, anti-authoritarianism, William Burroughs, Progressive parents, Discordianism, Wicca, Conspiracy theories, engineering etc.

I'd wage good RAW PATWOWS on their being some of Uncle Bob's going on there somewhere

So now ERIS enters the lexicon of musbnall children who will find themselves exposed to the usual rudimentary school astronomy.

Maybe some of these will be tempted to look deeper and even a few will look even deeper.

And thus the idea of 'non-simultaneous process interacting' spreads out a bit

Or it maybe a completely random event, a simple product of the laws of wholly unintended consequences.

RAW once say that some people think him a very mysterious fellow, personally I think he's just a damnable old crank.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Willy or won't he?

It has always struck me that if one compiled a priority of global drug needs; cures for cancer, AIDS, male oral contraceptive etc. the list would be long and extensive

How long and extensive woud the list be before you came to:

'a drug that allows old men to maintain an erection'

I am not denigrating the right - I may well be joining the ranks at some point

But maybe we have a correlation here - take the Current Republican administration - by far the oldest incumbents in many of the key positions held exactly the same or similar roles during the Nixon era - (Rumsfeld, Chaney, Wolfiwitz)

Globally we now have a generation of senior Alpha Males who are capable of sowing the same wild oats that previously they may have 'got out of thier system' by now and thus allow them to reach at least some semblance of mature statesmanship

Instead you now have a lethal combination of extreme power,money, influence and still get to keep an easily engorged willy.

Does any one know what effects of Viagra has on testosterone? Physically or psychologicaly?

I think musbunall of us can bear witness to the rejuvinational aspects of having a fulfilling sex life that gives one the impression of immortality.

How much more so for a group of men who can 'buy' attractivness through money, power and influence and thus easily delude themselves that this chemical erection is of course down to their own vitality?

If this stuff is as globally available as the internet would have you believe how many leaders of all religious types and political flavors are nightly staring proudly at their sacred womb ferret and then next day metaphoricaly slapping us all in the face with their zealous love pumps?

We may really be in the middle of a global cock fight.

They say that in wishing to solve a crime a good bet is to follow the money.

I have found that in the case of power an equally good bet is to follow the phallus

The Guvnor who is no guvnor

Robert Anton Wilson (RAW) has not been well and sent this out in a mass email yesterday:

Sent: Thu, 31 Aug 2006 7:01 PM
Subject: Note from Bob.

Dear. dear friends,
First of all, I want to thank you for the love & support you have given me over the past months.
Lately, however, I have been getting a lot of advice about how I should live & how I should face the dying process. I am asking, with great love, that my friends no longer share with me their insights about my health or when I might die. I have my own instincts about my capacity to bounce back and about which activities feed my soul. These feelings are very positive, & I don't want my positive gut-feeling dampened and confused by the projections of others.

If those who believe I am at death's door are proven to be correct, indeed, they can claim a prize at my funeral.
Otherwise, I apologize.
Your beloved friend,
Robert Anton Wilson


Amazing guy, right?

I don't know, I really don't - one minute I'm happily gliding along with all the deep down smug self-righteousness that comes with secretly assuring myself I'm on the express train to enlightenment.

Next thing you know: Thwack! The non-guvnor pops up with a clip round the concious attached to a couple of lines of genuine humility that leaves me smarting with the reddening glow of realising just how profoundly prematurely enlightened I am.

This thinking for yourself IS really friggin hard. Why can't I have a guru I can attribute all kinds of mystical nonsense to - everyone else has got one. It's just not fair!

I'm off to the Cerebal Dojo to find some small yappy Dogma to kick

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Who IS Robert Anton Wilson?

For me the greatest humanican alive

Thursday, August 31, 2006


Just don't. Otherwise you will end up like me.

If you ever decide to cross the rickety, narrow one way bridge to genuinely thinking for yourself then the bad news is you will more often then not end up alone, scared, broke (this maybe just me) and at odds with just about everyone and everything you know and care about.

On the other hand once in a long while you will perceive vistas of reality that will make you cry with profound joy and amazement as the Universe cracks open and expands before your newly opened eyes.

This is the trade off. Is it worth it?

Good Quest I On

Rewriting Prayer

Our Father who is in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done
On Earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespassers
As we forgive those who trespass against us
For thine is the kingdom the power and the glory
Is now and ever shall be, world without end


Maybe something like:

Dear Boss, Who is back at the ol' homestead
You are great, but you know that
One day everything will be fine,
if we all just tried a bit harder to do the whole infinite wisdom and compassion thing
Then here could probably be as good as your place
I hope that by using your guidelines I can at least make ends meet
As I try not to be too much of an idiot
Whilst not letting the seemingly widespread idiocy of others grind me down
For home is sweet and you are the best (but again I kinda think you know all this)
Love you now and forever


Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A Man With No Plan

Gawd streuth and a host of other oaths mild enough to publish on a inner child friendly blog.

Where do I start? I really am making a dogs dinner out of a sows ear of this life business.

Ray Meres the top outdoor wilderness, camping bloke often says 'survival isn't one thing it is a series of little things'- and that's very much the nubbins of my argument.

The littler and more routine the thing the more it drives me to absolute distraction and all the whilst I know that the little routine things are often by far the most important things to do. I don't mean the basic-hygene, have a job, eat stuff things.

I'm good at those, which is not really saying anything as I assume the fact that you are reading this shows you too have mastered these mundane but vital capacities.

But anything, anything at all that requires me to do something that I have done once before and found uninteresting, boring and pinickity almost guarantees that by the third time of doing it I will have a bloody great imp and pitchfork on my left shoulder whilst my mind spins like a compass on a fridge door.

At times I feel as lonley and useless as the single remaining copralite stuck in the binded bowels of the last tar-pitted Mastadon.

At others I am Philix Rex (the happy king by-knowing-how-foolish-whole-king-thing-is) One of the founders of the Cousinhood of the United State of Humanica. The global, practical application of the ethics of wisdom and compassion that helped transformed humanity into one optimaly evolved enlightened society. And all without hurting one single person.

I wouldn't dream to self diagnois Bi-polarity in my self. The real trouble being that way more often than not I appear to be having both of the above experiences at exactly the same time.

Oh my poor liddle head

I bumped into this lot on the subway

obviously been out to plaayyy for quite a whilst

Post Card from Heisenberg

Dear all,

I may or may not be having a lovely time.

Wish you were here, or there.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I'm bored of my own voice

so God knows how you must be feeling.

"I've been robbed and they stole my pictures of Bert and Lucy."

Grandpa Simpson

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Word War One

On NPR's Open Source program last night a commentator on Mid East media was asked;
So what is the fundamental difference between Al Queda and Hezbollah?

"Hezbollah has slightly higher production values"